i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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