i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
