I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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