my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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