I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
