I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize