you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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