Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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