He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
