recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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