someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize