I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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