we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
