Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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