On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
