fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
