I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's never too late to be topless.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
