this just has baby written all over it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
