Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
