Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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