babies were throwing up all over the place
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
