She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
