Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
