tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am available for nakedness
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
