Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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