I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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