So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
