I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
