SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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