If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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