you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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