I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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