This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
