just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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