It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
