why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
