Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
