God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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