remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
