I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
