what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize