I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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