I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i have two assholes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
