perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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