Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
