I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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