the condom got lost in my hair
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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