he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
