pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
