Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
