I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
