thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
