plz talk dirty to me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize