just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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