Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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