with your own penis?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize