just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
