i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
