I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
