I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
