Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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