there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
