my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
