she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize