i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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