I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
