Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
