Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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