Barsexuality is the new black.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
