I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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