i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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