I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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