Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
