Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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