I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
