the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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