headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i think my cat just said my name.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
